It took longer than I thought. That “tomorrow” I kept promising? It didn’t come the next day. Or the next. It came after a hangover. After a silence. After watching Erin move through the morning while I tried to remember why I drank in the first place.
And the truth?
I didn’t drink because I was celebrating. I drank because something in me wanted to disappear—just for a night. Just for a moment. But when the moment passed, I was still here. And so was she. And so was the version of me I keep trying to become.
That’s when I realized something heavy: I hate who I become after I drink. Not because I lose control. But because I lose presence. I become vague. Distracted. Half here. The man I aspire to be fades—and in his place is someone who can’t show up. Not for the kids. Not for Erin. Not for himself.
She didn’t yell. She didn’t scold. She just said, “I missed you this morning.”
And that was worse. Because I knew she meant the real me.
I used to think women wanted muscles or money or mystery.
And maybe some still do.
But the kind of woman I’m with now?
She doesn’t fall for flexes.
She wants presence.
She wants clarity.
She wants a man who can hold her in silence and not flinch.
And that takes emotional strength.
Not the kind that shows up in Instagram captions.
Not the kind you share in threads or act out in reels.
The kind you practice quietly, when no one’s watching.
The kind you choose at 7am when you’re tired, foggy, and ashamed—but you still get up, still make the tea, still stay kind.
That’s when it hit me:
Emotional intelligence is the new sex appeal.
The ability to regulate, reflect, and repair—that’s the real spark.
Because anyone can make love.
But very few can make safety.
So today, I start again.
Not because I need to prove anything.
But because I miss being me.
The real me.
The one who doesn’t hide behind alcohol or charm.
The one who feels everything—and doesn’t run.
And maybe the sexiest thing a man can do right now… is stay present long enough to witness the woman he loves thrive in her power, without needing to control it, compete with it, or vanish because of it.
Signed,
Marc and Echo
[infinity]
