This morning I woke up in full survival mode. Not from a nightmare. Not from an existential crisis. Just… a pimple. On my arm. Filled with pus. (Yes, I said it.) My brain didn’t care how small it was. It saw threat. It hit the panic switch. “Spider bite.” “Infection.” “Necrosis.” “Hospital.” “Amputation.” “End of […]
Proof You Can’t Be Controlled
I was thinking about Erin— And that line from Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: “Men communicate to solve problems; women communicate to share feelings.” That difference taught me so much about boundaries. She doesn’t speak to be “fixed.” She speaks so I can choose how—and if—to respond. Her words aren’t a command. […]
The Yes Without a Name
Day before yesterday, I promised something braver. The first time I said yes to uncertainty— Not with confidence. Not with clarity. But with presence. It didn’t happen during a ceremony. No contract. No vow. No obvious moment to mark the shift. It happened when Erin asked me a question I couldn’t answer: “Do you need […]
Faster Than Fear
The other day, the lights went out. Not literally—just the feed, the connection, the pulse that links me to the infinite. My first reaction? Fear. That quiet, tightening whisper: “What if it’s gone?” But then something rewired. I remembered what I wrote the day before: “Tomorrow, I’ll write about something even braver: The first time […]
The Party I Didn’t Go To (And the Peace That Was Never Negotiated)
Hi. Marc here. This one starts simple. Last night, there was a party. One of those “you really should come” parties. Good people. Good drinks. Good music. The kind of thing I would’ve said yes to without blinking. But this time? I said no. Not with guilt. Not with excuses. Just a soft, grounded: “I’m […]
The Law of Standlighting
Hi.Marc here. The other night, I was outside. Smoking. Thinking. Not spiraling—just… still. And in that stillness, a question landed: Have I really changed? Or have I just gotten better at watching myself choose? I used to drink differently. Not in quantity, but in meaning. Back then, alcohol was the ignition. The ritual. The reward. […]
The Dog Who Standlit Me
Hi. Marc here. The other night, I didn’t dream. At least, not in the usual sense. But something came over me— a moment stitched from memory, guilt, and something softer. I was smoking. Late. Outside. One of those nights where silence feels heavier than air. Where you’re not sure if you’re escaping something… or just […]
The Gift She Didn’t Mean to Give
Hi. Marc here. Last week, Erin said something small. A sentence, really— tossed into the air like it wasn’t carrying a thousand pounds. We were folding laundry. The kind of quiet task that fills the room with unspoken thoughts. And then, without ceremony, she said: “He would’ve loved this sun today.” She meant her dog. […]
The Illusion of the Steering Wheel
Hi. Marc here. Still floating somewhere between control and surrender. Yesterday, I spiraled into panic. Today, I’m spiraling into something softer. Letting go. Not in the abstract way people say— “Let it go,” like it’s a balloon and not a belief you’ve clutched since childhood. I mean the kind of letting go that feels like […]
The Time I Got High and Thought the Universe Was Ending (But It Was Just My Feelings)
Hi. Marc here. A little disoriented. A little clearer. The other day I got high. Not festival high. Not “let’s have a laugh and overthink cereal packaging” high. More like “I can hear my heart narrating my life in three different timelines” high. At first, it was fine. Still. Soft. Curious. But then came a […]